Vampire Diary — Episode 2

Obsessed with my Dior sausage. God, it's bright. If sunscreen blocks UV rays, why don't we just put sunscreen on the ozone layer?

Twitter literally thinks you got your brain sucked out with your last Botax appointment. You're a walking mem! Didn't I enroll in university for art history

just to craft the intellectual bombshell brand like you wanted? Don't even bring that up. You flunked another class. I've already stamped your official certificate of death. 30 days until your dormance begins.

You're really going under for a full hundred years this time? The outside world has grown far too noisy. A century of quiet sounds just about right. And what about that girl from the car crash ten years ago?

The one you gave your own blood to save? For a creature of the dark like me, the few attachments the better. Stop right there!